Vipassana – The Exercise of Looking Inwards
It was 2010. Fresh out of B-school with a job offer in hand and three months to myself before corporate life began, I was living the dream. My days were filled with bass guitar tutorials, binge-worthy shows, home-cooked food, and an internet connection that didn’t judge my laziness.
Yet, beneath that comfort lay a quiet unrest. My mental space was cluttered—with emotional messiness from a rocky relationship, expectations I couldn’t live up to, and a gnawing sense that something was just… off.
Then came a Google Talk chat with a classmate, Gauri. What started as a random banter about music and life took a sudden turn.
“Sid, go for a course of Vipassana.”
I blinked. “Vipassana? What’s that? Some cult thing?”
“No baba. You’re jobless anyway—just do it.”
Curiosity nudged me. I Googled Vipassana centers in Chennai and found one starting the following week. With barely any research, I packed four sets of clothes, left my distractions behind, and arrived at the meditation center—ready to be… well, not ready at all.
A Detox You Can’t Scroll Away From
Let me set the scene: no phones, no books, no talking, not even eye contact. Double-occupancy rooms. A strict routine that started at 4 AM. The Code of Discipline wasn’t just serious—it was Spartan.
When I reached, my roommate had already claimed the best pillow and mattress. I sat on my wafer-thin mattress and asked myself, “Sid, what the hell have you signed up for?”
The gong rang. We were summoned to the meditation hall. The teacher—an imposing figure with a gentle voice—reiterated the rules and assured us: if followed sincerely, change would follow.
Day 1 to Day 4: Breathing Battles & Mental Mayhem
The technique seemed simple: “Observe your breath. When distracted, bring your attention back.”
Sounds easy. Except it wasn’t. My mind went on a nostalgia-fueled rampage. Childhood bullies, school cricket politics, traffic arguments—everything I thought I’d buried came rushing back.
By Day 4, it hit me—how much unresolved anger I carried. Every breath uncovered a layer of pain I didn’t know I was holding onto. It was exhausting. But also freeing.
Day 5 to Day 9: Awakening the Body’s Symphony
On Day 5, the instructions changed. We were told to observe sensations—starting from the top of the head, moving down inch by inch. That’s when something clicked.
I felt a current—a literal buzz through my body. Tingling, vibrating, healing. Words don’t do justice. It was like finally tuning into a frequency I didn’t know existed.
That day, my roommate was gone. Apparently, someone reported him for talking too much. He’d been chatty since Day 1, often trying to initiate conversations. I never responded. I followed the Code. Still, I felt sad—I never even knew his name.
Moments of Quiet Awe
Breaks were my time to wander. I watched ants build colonies. Spotted a grasshopper mid-jump. Even saw a cow give birth to a calf—raw, real, and utterly beautiful. These tiny moments slowed down time and expanded awareness.
Day 10: The Voice Within
Finally, the silence lifted. We were allowed to speak. I walked up to an elderly man and said my first word in ten days. And then I cried.
Not because I was sad. But because I heard my own voice—and it sounded new. Pure. Unfiltered. Real.
Back to the World, But Not the Same
After the course ended, I called old friends I hadn’t spoken to in years. Hugged my family with a new kind of presence. Everything around me looked the same—but I had changed. My lens had shifted.
Vipassana didn’t give me all the answers. It gave me the courage to ask better questions.
Final Thoughts
If you ever find yourself in a life limbo, lost in distractions or searching for clarity, do yourself a favor—look inwards. Vipassana isn’t easy. It’s uncomfortable, raw, and emotionally intense. But if you stick through it, the stillness speaks. And it tells you everything you didn’t know you needed to hear.